“Mama, what if I don’t want to say thank you? I don’t really like the gift and I don’t want to keep it.”
Though our children all had their own versions of “thank you” at a young age (for example, “ti-tu”, “tay-tay”, and “fanks”), sometimes they didn’t feel very thankful for what they were given. Nonetheless, we trained them intentionally to say “please” and “thank you” no matter how they felt in the moment and to be gracious receivers. The gift givers never heard the above statement, but I know we’ve all felt it at one time.
As parents, our goal isn’t to raise children who fake gratitude—it’s to help them cultivate hearts that see God’s goodness in every circumstance.
I don’t want to train my children to be fakers or inauthentic, but I want them to know how to be kind, content, and grateful. I want them to know how to use their manners to honor those in their lives, even when they don’t feel like it.
I wanted to work toward 1 Thessalonians 5:18, “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”
But before we get there, we need to set the stage with the verses before it.
“Always be joyful.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16)
I love joy. I love that we can experience joy no matter how we feel about our circumstances. The difference between happiness and joy is that happiness can melt away like ice cream on a hot day depending on our circumstances.
Joy remains, no matter our circumstances. As followers of Jesus, our joy comes from the truth and reality of our salvation and the hope of eternity with God.
What a relief that God doesn’t command us to always be happy. It would not be authentic or real for any of us. Happiness is fleeting.
As we walk our children toward being “thankful in all circumstances” (1 Thessalonians 5:18), we get to train them to remember that they always have joy… an automatic gift to be thankful for.
Because joy is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22), we don’t need to muster it up, force it, or decide to have it. We simply need to tap into it and let it flow from us.
When God allowed His people to reenter and rebuild Jerusalem after their exile, Ezra read the Book of the Law aloud to all the people. As he read to them, they wept.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve experienced that response to hearing God’s Truth, too. When I realize how much I’ve disobeyed God and He makes it clear in His Word that I’ve not met His standards, sometimes I melt in the reality of my desperate need for Him.
"Then Nehemiah the governor, Ezra the priest and scribe, and the Levites who were interpreting for the people said to them, ‘Don’t mourn or weep on such a day as this! For today is a sacred day before the Lord your God.’ For the people had all been weeping as they listened to the words of the Law."
And Nehemiah continued,
“Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!” (Nehemiah 8:9-10)
I need that reminder sometimes and I’m sure you and your children do, too. “The joy of the Lord is your strength.” When you don’t feel like it, you can rely on the joy of the Lord to be your strength.
That’s something to be thankful for!
“Never stop praying.” (1 Thessalonians 5:17)
Prayer is another gift we can always be thankful for. We don’t have to talk to someone who will hopefully talk to God on our behalf. We can talk directly to Him.
No matter how we feel, look, or what’s going on, we can pray about anything. He can handle anything we’re thinking, feeling, or struggling with.
He’s not surprised by anything. He knows everything already, so it’s silly to not just be honest with Him and try to process it all with Him!
What a gift it is to be able to talk to Him all the time, anytime. We’re never actually alone, even when we feel like it.
That’s another thing to be thankful for!
Our children need us to train them how to pray lots of different ways because we’re all different people and we go through different stages, seasons, and levels of connectedness with God. We must train them how to pray silently, aloud, alone, and corporately.
We can teach them how to pray using a formula like:
- ACTS – Adoration, Confession, Thankfulness, and Supplication/Surrendering),
- through the alphabet as an act of
- praise (Think of something amazing about God for every letter of the alphabet.), or
- intercession (Pray for someone whose name or title starts with each letter of the alphabet.),
- using verbal processing (telling God whatever is on their mind like they would talk to a friend), or
- through journaling (writing prayers like letters to God or writing out prayer requests for people, situations, and desires)
However we teach our children, we must model it, encourage it, and do it with them, so they’ll feel comfortable doing it on their own.
“Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
Some gifts don’t feel like gifts. Some gifts feel like obligations, after-thoughts, or pacifiers. Our children need to see us being thankful even when we don’t feel like being thankful, even when the gifts stink, and even when we don’t understand why we’re enduring a struggle.
There’s always something to be thankful for and we must show them how to see those things.
In the movie “Polyanna,” the main character’s missionary father taught her to play “The Glad Game”. When she wanted a doll and received crutches instead, her dad taught her to be glad she didn’t need the crutches. We need to give our children the gift of perspective, as we train them in thankfulness.
What can we be thankful for even when the electricity goes out on a February night? We can be thankful we’re together! We can be thankful we have a home to be together in!
When we teach our children to follow God’s will to be thankful in all circumstances, we’re training them to trust Him, to worship Him, and to point others to Him!
Thankfulness isn’t just good manners—it’s discipleship. When we model gratitude, we point our children back to the heart of God, who gives us every good gift.
Thankfulness is a powerful life-giving tool we must train our children to use.
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