I Used to Think Motherhood Would Get Easier When…

And what God showed me about the thoughts shaping the way I mother

Have you ever caught yourself thinking, It would be so much easier if…?

• If my kids would just listen.
• If they would stop fighting.
• If I could get more sleep.
• If this season were over.
• If I could just figure out how to be a better mom.

I have thought almost every one of those things.

For a long time, they felt like facts. Of course I’d be less irritable if I weren’t exhausted. Of course I’d enjoy my kids more if they would listen. Of course I’d be more patient if my house weren’t constantly a disaster. Of course motherhood would be easier if my kids behaved.

But God eventually showed me something I couldn’t see on my own: my circumstances weren’t the only thing shaping how I experienced motherhood. My thoughts were, too.

The motherhood battle isn’t always the circumstance. It’s the story you’re telling yourself about the circumstance.

I spent years waiting for the next season to make things easier. When my babies weren’t sleeping, I thought it would be better when they slept through the night. Then it would be easier when they were out of diapers. Then when they were in school. Then when they didn’t need me quite so much.

There was always a finish line somewhere in the distance.

And so, without realizing it, I wasn’t truly enjoying motherhood; I was enduring it. I needed to learn how to live faithfully and joyfully inside the motherhood God had given me.

Maybe motherhood doesn’t actually get easier (as a mom of teenagers now, I am not sure it does…it’s just different!). Maybe we’re supposed to learn how to live differently inside it.

I thought the problem was bedtime.

I’d already asked three times: “Please put your pajamas on.”

Nothing.

“Please go brush your teeth.”

Still nothing.

By the fourth or fifth time, my voice would get louder. Eventually I’d hear myself yelling, “WHY DOES NO ONE LISTEN TO ME?!”

And then came the guilt: Why did I yell again? What’s wrong with me? I know better than this.

For a long time, I thought the problem was that my kids weren’t listening. But eventually God helped me see what was happening before I raised my voice.

I had already started telling myself a story:

They don’t respect me.

They never listen.

I have to keep repeating myself.

I can’t handle this.

My children were doing something I didn’t like. But I was also bringing an interpretation to that moment, and that interpretation was shaping how I felt and how I responded.

That distinction changed the way I thought about motherhood. Because I couldn’t always control what my kids did (newsflash: none of us can!!!) But with God’s help, I could begin paying attention to what I was believing about what they did.

I thought I needed a better parenting strategy.

So I tried them.

So. Many. Books. 😂

I listened to podcasts, tried new routines, experimented with consequences and motivators, and tried (in my own strength) to become more consistent.

Every time something didn’t work, I assumed I needed another strategy.

Eventually I realized I was trying to change the fruit without paying attention to the roots.

Because if I walked into bedtime believing My kids don’t respect me or I can’t handle this, even a good parenting strategy was fighting against what was happening underneath.

The bedtime battle wasn’t always the real battle.

Neither was the sibling squabble.

Neither was the spilled milk.

Those things are real. Kids are still learning, emotions are still big, and sometimes someone really does need correction.

But the bigger question became: What am I making this mean?

A child who won’t put on shoes might mean, He never listens to me.

Or it might mean, He’s distracted and needs help transitioning.

A sibling fight might mean, My kids are never going to get along.

Or it might mean, They’re learning how to handle conflict, and I get to teach them.

The circumstance may look the same.

But the story I tell myself about the circumstance can completely change the way I enter the moment.

And then I began to see what my children were learning from me.

My kids weren’t only learning from the Bible stories I read or the prayers we prayed.

They were watching me: they were learning what happened when I was frustrated, they were watching how I handled disappointment, they were noticing what happened when I was wrong. And sometimes they were learning things I never intended to teach them.

That realization could have sent me straight into more mom guilt.

Instead, it gave me hope.

Because I couldn’t go back and parent every difficult moment perfectly.

But I could begin changing the way I showed up in those moments.

I could pause.

I could ask, What am I making this mean?

I could ask, Is that actually true?

And then I could ask, What does God say is true?

That didn’t magically make my kids easier.

It changed me.

And when I changed the way I entered those moments, the moments themselves began to feel different.

Maybe the battle you need to win isn’t the one you think.

You may think your biggest motherhood problem is bedtime, sibling conflict, your child’s attitude, or the fact that your teenager doesn’t listen.

But what if the deeper battle is the story you’re telling yourself about what those things mean?

• What if your child’s disobedience doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom?
• What if your child’s big emotions don’t mean you’ve failed?
• What if your child’s struggles aren’t yours to control?
• What if God isn’t asking you to eliminate every hard thing from your motherhood, but to learn how to meet those hard things from a rooted place?

That is a much more hopeful way to parent.

Because your kids will still argue (promise!).

Someone will still spill the milk (and you’ll still clean it up, again!).

Bedtime will still go sideways (it isn’t just your kids!).

But you don’t have to let every hard moment tell you who you are, who your children are, or what your motherhood means.

God can teach you to notice the story you’re believing, bring it into the light, and return to what is true.

What kind of mom do you want your children to experience?

That’s the question I’m asking myself more and more.

I want my children to experience a mom who isn’t perfect, but who knows where to turn when she isn’t.

• A mom who can admit when she’s wrong.
• A mom who doesn’t need to control every outcome.
• A mom who keeps bringing her thoughts back to God’s Truth.
• A mom who can say, “I didn’t handle that well. I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?”

And ultimately, I want my boys to see what it looks like to actually follow Jesus—not just hear me tell them to.

That’s why I no longer think the goal is to make motherhood easier. The goal is to become rooted in the middle of the motherhood God has already given me. And I think that’s where real transformation inside your family begins.

What if you started here?

The next time you catch yourself thinking, If my child would just…

pause.

Ask:

1. What am I making this mean?
2. What story am I telling myself about my child?
3. What story am I telling myself about me?
4. And what does God say is true?

You may discover that the moment you thought you needed to fix is actually inviting God to transform something in you. And that can change the way you show up for your children.

Want help putting this into practice?

It’s one thing to recognize the thoughts shaping the way you mother. It’s another thing to know what to do with them when your child is standing in front of you, refusing to listen, and you can feel your patience disappearing.

That’s why I created Why Won’t My Kids Listen?!—a 60-minute on-demand workshop where we take this out of theory and put it right into the middle of real motherhood.

Inside, we’ll work through: What your child does → what you think → what you feel → how you respond

You’ll identify what you’re telling yourself in a frustrating moment, bring those thoughts under God’s Truth, and practice a different response—without giving up biblical boundaries or pretending your child doesn’t need to obey.

You can watch the workshop whenever you have an hour and work through it with a real situation from your own motherhood.

Get the workshop for $7 here: Watch Why Won’t My Kids Listen?!

You don’t need another parenting strategy. Sometimes the deeper invitation is to pay attention to what’s happening inside you when motherhood doesn’t go the way you hoped. Because peaceful motherhood isn’t about never getting frustrated.

It’s about learning to return to God’s Truth when you do.